Monday, December 22, 2003

Hello, the name is Leticia McKenzie. That’s not my real name, but it will do. I’m kind of shy and I live in sunny Poseidontown (not where I live), and I thought that an anonymous blog might help me get my feelings out and help me practice writing for my dreams of being a big famous writer.

How should I start?

I’m a slut. You wouldn’t believe it if you met me, but I am. I masturbate like, twice a day or something. I feel horrible about it. What good is a girl when she’s damaged herself so? This, of course, is not true—there’s nothing wrong with masturbation—but there’s no shaking this feeling that I’ve broken my flavor seal and I’m ineligible for a boyfriend. (Or a girlfriend...)

How should I continue?

When I was a girl of 14 or so, I wanted to be a stripper. I had grand visions of how satisfied I would be, and how many people I would make happy through the power of my own eroticism. On the pole, revealing myself gently, I would lead the audience along in my own mystifying ritual that would cure all ailments and bring the world peace (or something).

Where am I going with this?

But, despite my lofty goals, I was ashamed to talk or think about it. Whenever I spoke “I wanna be a stripper” it was squeezed through my reluctant vocal cords in shame and self-pity. So maybe, at some point, I got over it and decided that I really couldn’t be a stripper, but I never really put it out of my head. Why would Leticia be attracted to sex work?

What is the meaning of life?

I’m 17 now, not much older, but I feel like I’m supposed to be more mature, being able to buy M rated games and all (and NC-17 movies, like the tentacle porn they keep at the back of the anime section at my local rental place). So I guess I’ll do what the other cool kids are doing and think aloud on the Internet, where information is cheap and actions speak volumes and two hands are worth a bushel in the drinking fountain. Tally-ho!

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