Sunday, January 11, 2004

Hello there. This is Leticia. I’ve been lulling in bed for several hours, kind of bored, kind of afraid to get up. I get in these moods every once in a while, but they increase when I’m stuck at home because Poseidontown is frozen over.

So here’s my masturbation fantasy of the moment: The Goddess of Sensuality descends upon the bar, blessing the handsome man sitting there with her presence. But, as her warmth resonates across the bar, her long flowing robes... get stuck in a juice machine! She desperately tries to pull her robes out, but is flung head-first into the machine, her robes falling inward to reveal her backside and flailing legs before she disappears into the machine. Immediately, Sex Goddess Cocktail flows from the bottom of the machine (it’s bright red!), to be drank up by the handsome man with a confident grin and short black hair. Oooh. That made me come.

Okay, let’s talk Sonic Heroes (comments w/more light spoilers, highlight to read.) It just isn’t fun. It feels like such a chore to decide which character to use. (Um, that looks big and strong and breakable, I’m’a use Knuckles! Er, that thing shoots lightning, I’m’a use Tails! And that thing, well, I don’t know, but Sonic as leader makes the game somewhat resemble a Sonic game, so I’ll use him!) Moreover, the other teams are barely any different; moves are mostly the same, with slight variations on level design (Team Rose being the easiest, followed by Team Sonic, Team Dark, and Team Chaotix). I must admit, though, I’m fond of the Chaotix; all of their missions are Billy Hatcher-type quests like “Find ten hermit crabs” or “Find the lost Chao” (aaagh!).

It’s been three days since I got my grubby mitts on Sonic Heroes, and I’ve played it for maybe eight hours, getting about halfway through the game. That’s bad, mmmkay? For comparison, Sonic Adventure 2 I played for seventeen hours straight as soon as I got it. I don’t think I’ll ever match that feat of fangirlishness; but if I, Sonic fangirl extraordinaire, do not care to play the latest Sonic game for hours on end, it’s a bad sign for the franchise.

Memo to Sonic Team: The Sonic formula wasn’t broken. It didn’t need fixing. It especially didn’t need to become so complicated as to induce headaches on the player. Love, Leticia.

(It’s also worth noting that by controlling three characters at once and constantly switching off the leader, it reminds me that I’m the player and not a character. I love getting lost in other people’s video-game worlds, but in order to play Sonic Heroes, I must constantly remind myself that I am merely a spazzed-out fangirl who’s sitting at the couch playing Sonic Heroes because she has nothing better to do when all of Poseidontown is covered in a sheet of ice.)

Toodles, all. Love,
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