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Friday, January 16, 2004

Well, hello, children. Let’s talk Dante.

He’s a sweet kid that I met on a park bench outside school one fine afternoon. He was playing Pokémon on his Game Boy, and I’d like to say it was love at first sight and Bellossom danced in the moonlight while we exchanged Ice Berries but, rather, it came gradually.

That kid is freakin’ hairy. Okay, that was gross. But really, he’s got this silly goatee and sideburns and big glasses and, when he takes is shirt off, I am treated to a wonderful line of lair down his chest that looks terribly fluffy and... edible. (His chest, I mean, with the accentuation of his chest hair.) He looks like a big geeky creampuff. Just to complete the ensemble, he wears a cape (dead serious) everywhere he goes, along with his waist pouch that carries his manly weapon: a Game Boy and a deck of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. (I am tempted to speak of getting my lips around his deck but I won’t.)

So I started to get a crush on him as we became better and better friends. As we rode home on the bus, I learned that he knew of Sonic The Hedgehog (yes, that sealed it), and he was the only person who knew the games’ levels as intricately as I did.
But, I neglect to mention something: this kid is lonely. At that point, he’d have done anything for a good girlfriend. So, about a year and a half of being friends, at a party I told him the big secret...

And we kissed.

And it was the worst fucking kiss ever.

You see, now we were serious. Now it was a big deal. He had “evolved,” as he put it, I had changed him, cured him of the darkness that had so plagued him. We were now “us,” an unstoppable duo that together, we could fight for justice and righteousness and live in the mountains and have wonderful adventures where he learns the intricate ways of magic and I fight tigers in my skimpy jungle-girl outfit. (No, I made most of that up, but on second thought...)

But anyway, in short, he wanted me really bad, I wanted him really bad, I really didn’t want to be sucked into Dante’s world of magic and darkness and where I would be his trophy girlfriend, the only thing that would keep him from succumbing to the dark forces.
(Dante has had a verifiably shitty past with a rotating cast of fathers and several schools of varying quality; he needed a serious dose of Leticia Hope in order to get past his preconceptions of his miserable existence, and I wanted to keep the Leticia Hope firmly tucked inside my vagina until the Big Day where I’m Mature Enough.)

Oh, and Dante loves magic, and you will find magical runes and swords doodled all over his schoolwork. I don’t mean to sound so condescending; it’s quite cool, and he wants to grow up to be a healing mage, traveling the world and rescuing people from their various ailments. I have an ailment of my own that I know he could cure with his, er, wand, but I won’t get into that right now.
(Ewww! How did I just write that?!)

But let’s get on with it. Actually, no, I can’t get on with it, I have to get a move on or else I don’t get to go to his house today and behold the geeky creampuff himself. Well, that’s all for now; check back next time for Part 2, where you will learn something about Leticia that you have never known before, except you won’t be terribly surprised anyway.

(By the way, Dante has had a crush on me for just as long; I don’t mean to sound like he only likes me because he’s desperate or something...)

(You know, I’m really turned on just from writing about him. I’m’a go to my room...)

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