Monday, January 19, 2004

Well, hello, friends. Leticia is not used to fame, so she’s staying up at night, wondering what to write next. I, Suzy, Leticia’s fair guardian angel, have no such inhibitions; so follow along and I’ll tell you a story:


Once upon a time there was a girl named Chimiko. She was lost in life, always living to the next day, never stopping to wonder what the purpose of life was. So she met Lara one day, as they ate lunch, on a rare occasion in which Chimiko did not have her friends to play with.

“What’s wrong, Lara? You never talk. I’d like to get inside of that head of yours.”

“Go away,” Lara protested.

“Now, that’s not the way to talk to one of the most popular girls in school. You should be ashamed of your demeanor.”

“No, you should be,” Lara retorted. “Listen to you, talking to me like it’s charity work. You could be on television, one of those angry talk-show blowhards who act like they’re the center of the universe.”

“Well, that does it,” snapped Chimiko. “I’m not leaving until your manners improve.”

“I admire your persistence,” admitted Lara with a giggle. “Sit down, maybe you have something to learn from me.”

“Well, okay,” Chimiko accepted, nervously.

“Now, look at those two kids. One is white and the other is black, right?”


“Now, they’re fighting over who gets to use the basketball; the white kids or the black kids. It is the best-pumped basketball in this whole pathetic school, and both groups want to use it. It never occurs to them that a more exciting game may result with both races playing together.”

“Fueled by racial tension?” Chimiko asked, critically.

“Exactly!” Lara exclaimed, proudly. “Well, no, not like that, but I mean, they have no better use for their hateful emotions than to argue over a ball, when they could be having some fun.” She took a bite from her bean burrito. “Unless, of course, you think fighting over a basketball is fun.”

“I don’t get this.”

“You don’t understand. I love thinking up these situations. That lunch lady is about to be fired for her poor manners. Of course, her manners may have come from the fact that she is constantly under the threat of being fired thanks to budget cuts; but nobody thinks that. It’s everybody for themselves in this world. It makes me sick.” Again, another frustrated bite from her bean burrito.

“So... is this why you cut yourself off from the world?”

“Maybe I can make some sense of it,” she mused. “But I’m trapped. I see too much. Every time I look at a situation, I can see ten different solutions. See that? Those kids are—oh, never mind.”

Chimiko giggled.

“All the time that I’m contemplating how worthless humanity’s quibbles are, I could be enjoying a quibble myself. I could be somebody swept up in the games and scores and rules of human intercourse. Instead, I’m stuck on a lunch table eating a bean burrito, wondering why everybody else is so stupid and yet they seem to be having fun.”

“Don’t worry,” Chimiko assured her, “it’s overrated.” There was an awkward pause.

“You know,” said Lara, “maybe we should be friends. I... I don’t like seeing the world from the outside.”

“Yes,” Chimiko agreed, “I don’t like seeing the world from the inside.”

Lara took hold of Chimiko’s hand and something special happened. It’s like, for one moment, they were one person; and they collectively knew everything. The whole universe floated meaninglessly around the point where their hands clasped. It was like they must have started supernovas or opened black holes somewhere in the galaxy with the impact of their connection. It was a convergence of the human consciousness. It was real.

Then they went off to their separate classes, to learn about test scores and optimum results and scientific methods, Chimiko wondering what there was on the outside of all this, Lara wondering what meaning she could find on the inside.


Well, I hope you found that entertaining! Leticia will be back later to talk about masturbation or something.
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