Sunday, February 08, 2004


I would comment on Janet Jackson's tit, but because it seems to be a fixation of the general public at the moment, I won't. Actuallly, I will anyway.

Two things disturb me about this (recap: some popstar ripped Janet Jackson's shirt at the Super Bowl and we got to see her breast, although with a nipple clamp. Cue America going nuts):

1) That a naked woman's breast would be called disgusting and vulgar.

2) That children _don't_ see women's breasts. I mean, really. If you're complaining that children shouldn't see such things, why hasn't your kid seen YOURS?! No excuse.

3) (okay, three things) That a naked breast would be a larger cause for concern than a song about the singer coercing the woman to have sex with him, and the implied sexual abuse in the performance.

Seriously, folks. This is a huge problem. Our culture is awash with sex, and yet when a woman wants to display her own sexuality, she is called a tart and a whore and the FCC spends ungodly amounts of money on an investigation. It's the constant message of the media that women's sexuality belongs entirely to men. Men men men. Can't you just feel your eroticism being sucked in by the Galactic Penis?

But beyond that, goddammit, children really need to see naked people. Studies have shown that children of nudists (Dear Lord!) grow up to be better adjusted. We need to be more adjusted with the human body to halt our society's road trip in a handbasket.

That said, I have more to say on the subject of the Boob.

Until recently, I believed I would never be able to breastfeed. Thanks to the miracle of modern science (woohoo!) I have been reassured that I will be able to lactate once I have children (I don't feel like getting pregnant; I'm gonna adopt). I excitedly told my friends, and they seem to be telling me off for this. Too shy/too nervous/too busy/too unclean to have a baby sucking away at their nipples. Now that I'm safely away from their earshot, I would like to say screw them. When I have babies, they're going to be sucking my milk factories like baby cows. (Or baby humans, for that fucking matter.)

But really, breastfeeding is the way to go. (Yes, better than "formulas.") Babies grow up better adjusted, healthier, and we need to get over our perpetual Boob Sickness in America. You have boobs for a reason. Use 'em.

(I'd hold up my boobs in solidarity for y'all, or stuff 'em in the scanner, but that would compromise my secret identity.)
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