Sunday, February 29, 2004

I was just kidding about that whole "going bitter and joining the Establishment" thing. Really. I like the idea of sexually liberating people. So do your friend Leticia a favor and run around your neighborhood naked, okay? It'll make me feel better about my role in society.

(No! Don't! You'll get arrested, but Leticia will put your name on the website and cherish your activism forever and ever, as well as think you're really hot. But hey! I was only kidding! Don't do it until I do it. If I'm not brave enough....)

So anyway, we shall continue with part 4 of that dumb story.

"Oh, dearest Totem," Julie said, placing her head on Totem's naked chest. "You're the best villian I've ever seduced and had sex with so I could uncover his evil plan."
"No! This was all a set-up! Curses! But it was good sex. I will now make my getaway!" Totem shouted, before snapping his fingers and the Giant Robot Naked Woman appeared.
"Oh, shit--" Julie said. The sight of the robot woman made her uneasy. So skinny, such huge breasts.... the ability to stomp entire buildings flat... oh, how she wished to be like that naked woman--

"Oh, man!" Mr. McLaughlin shouted at his older self. "Well, don't tell me anything. Don't spoil my life for me. It's..."
"Go!" Future McLaughlin said. "Run that way and you might be able to catch the giant robot naked woman that's carrying your partner away to a volcano."
"Um, sure," McLaughlin darted in the direction his future self had pointed toward, only to find a giant naked woman carrying his naked partner away, as Julie bit on the giant woman's finger.
"Oooaaaaaaggghhh!! Help me!!" Julie shouted.
"Unravel her in your mind! Absorb her DNA! You can do it!"
"Just imagine her unraveling and coming into you. You can absorb her powers! You have it inside you!"
So she closed her eyes and focused, and before she knew it, she was Giant Naked Julie, stomping her way through uninhabited city blocks [we don't need unnecessary deaths--Leticia]. She felt freer than she ever had. She skipped around with her giant ponytail bobbing through the air. She tripped and fell into a lagoon, which was more of a kiddy pool to her. She splashed at McLaughlin.
"Good to see you in good spirits," he said. "Are we going to get you any clothes?"
"Well, we'll fetch a weather balloon for me to wear, later. Would the Goodyear blimp make me look fat?" She chortled.
McLaughlin stared blankly. "Not funny."
"Well, we have a reality-altering goon to catch!" she said, and ran off in the general direction of the evil Paul Totem.

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