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Sunday, February 29, 2004

Ohhh..


I'm really really horny. Very horny. So... I'll keep it short. Yes, I've changed my mind about Kekko Kamen. It is the best thing in the universe. In fact, you shoudl right now grind me into apple sauce and make a pie out of me, baking me for half an hour and serving me garnished with little fairy prostitutes all around. Oh, yeah.

But besides that, I'm a sex addict. This is terrible. And my cats better stop clawing at each other or I'll have to throw a shoe at them.

(Suzy: Leticia hasn't masturbated for a day and a half. She's going to die. This is terrible. I don't know what to do for her. So I'll just let her blog. It seems to make her feel better, so as long as she can't stop imagining being stowed away in the back of a spaceship to be carried away to the seediest woman-trading joints in the galaxy, headed by a really big fluffy guy with a goattee, puffing away at his cigar but you can never see his face because he wears a beret and sunglasses. Ohhh.)

(And she's helpless and is crying for mercy and reaching through the bars of her tiny crib with nothing but a rubber ducky and pink frilly toys to keep her company, but all her skinhead teenager captors [with big scary dragon tattoos] do is lick cherry sauce off of her, and gradually she reaches the point where her skin desintigrates and becomes dust around her lifeless skeleton [and little bugs come out of the eye sockets] so they take the Leticia Powder and make it into Kool-Aid. Yeah. That's how it works.)

(Am I helping, Leticia? I mean... can you answer that?)

(Leticia: That Kool-Aid guy always creeped the hell out of me. How could you be so mortal as to be drink-able? And why does he seem so much like a pimp with his wide stature and deep voice that always goes, "Ohhhh Yeah"? And why does this start to sound like one of my fantasies?)

(Ohhhhh, no.)

(Hah! Got you there. No he doesn't turn me on. Unless maybe somebody decided to strip me naked and dump me in his exposed lifeblood. In which case, I would just melt right then and there, and all of the adolescent boys visiting him would immediately smash him open and lick his/my remains off of each others' naked bodies.)

(Aaahhh! No!! I'm'a go play Halo and escape this madness. Toodles!)
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