Saturday, February 14, 2004

Upon reading this, I seriously did a spit-take. The Bush administration is refusing to grant money to close-caption TV programs that don't meet their criteria as being, well, appropriate for deaf people. The shows in question? The Simpsons. Scooby-Doo. Power Rangers. Ninja Turtles. Law and Order.

Holeeeeeee SHIT. Now, if you are hearing, pretend for a moment that the Bush administration wants to ensure that you watch The Simpsons in silence, because otherwise you may exercize poor cultural judgment.

It has begun. Fire up your tape recorders, we'd better archive the Simpons and put it in a tin-foil bomb shelter, in hopes that future generations may see it without fear of Bush the Thirty-Seventh deciding that Simpsons gags wil enevitably cause riots in the streets. Because once Law and Order is hearing-impaired contraband, who knows what is next.

I'm scared. Hold me.

(I can just imagine Bush defiantly pointing his finger at the TV camera and saying, "Homestar Runner, you're next!")


(Okay, by the way, I'm dead serious. If you are deaf, closed-captioning is the only way you can watch TV and have any idea of what's going on. TV is where we get much of our information about the world. If the government can control this much of TV for just this one segment of the public, I don't have to say "imagine what is next"-- it's terrifying as it is. So, my hearing comrades, learn sign language. Interpret The Simpsons for a deaf friend. Take heart when he/she laughs at Bart's latest escapade. The future of the free world depends on it.)
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