Sunday, March 14, 2004

Leticia cannot do this today. So you're stuck with me, Suzy, again. We'll see how it goes....

There are times when I wanna be licked off the floor, like chocolate syrup, and there are times when I wanna be left alone. This is one of those times. Leticia and I have been fighting quite a bit--her interest in sex has driven someting of a wedge in our relationship--but she doesn't seem to need me that much anymore. Which is kinda said, because I love being her guardian angel. At the same, time, though, I need to be happy for her, because she's growing up. But, I just want to hold her and put my great big wings around her and pretend everything's all right and everything bad in the world doesn't exist. All that matters is me and her.

That was all well and good when Leticia was two years old... but she's seventeen now, and needs to make her own choices in life. Problem is, she doesn't know what the right answers are, and hell if I know, being from another plane of existence from all. But, I think my constant checking in on her, bothering her when she's trying to have fun, is hurting her more than it helps. I'm afraid I'm keeping her shy.

So, whatever. We need to work on our relationship. I seem to be a typical mother, not being able to let go. But I gotta let go, and I gotta trust Leticia's instinct on this. She can do this. She can show the world how great he is. I have to believe in her.

Oh, man, what to do?

(Leticia wants to be a mother really badly when she grows up, and fantasizes about breastfeeding and such often. She's got a lot coming when she's actually a mother, what with changing diapers and waking up at 2am to screaming and all, but I think she'll be a fine mother... if she has the right husband.)

(Goddammit! I worry too much. Leticia's mom always tells her she worries too much, but it's me, not her. I need to work on that too. One day at a time...)
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