Wednesday, March 17, 2004


After being burned by Dante, I went and rented Gunvalkyrie, by Smilebit/Sega, for Xbox. Think about that name for a second: Gunvalkyrie. What better game to let out some feminine rage? It's, er, pretty good so far, although it suffers from Jet Set Radio Future's problem of unfocused, generalized gameplay and expansive, yet linear levels. I've been pretty bitter about games lately, haven't I? Maybe nothing will quite match the experience of playing Sonic The Hedgehog at five years old...

To add to that fantasy below, I want to be able to wake up in the morning buck naked and whisper into his ear, sultrily, "All your base are belong to us..."

...And during sex, my "safe words" to indicate that I was having fun (as those cute lesbian workshop people told us to arrange) would be "Chain reactions pump up the juice!" (Columns), "Avoid missing ball for high score!" (Pong), and the mother lode, "FUNKY ACTION!!" (Sonic Spinball)

Ohhh yeah. That, and he'd spank me with a Dreamcast. And press me under the CD tray and make me into a game. And then play me long into the night. And then refuse to let me out despite my please for mercy. And then I'd get eaten by an in-game monster, but I'd rather enjoy it, especially as my feet waved back and forth, struggling to break free but loving the feeling of sliding down his slimy jaws and being taken in by his big power stomach, dissolved into food. And then he'd shit me out and I'd be part of the earth or something. Oh! And then my boyfriend would finally get around to turning me into a human again, and then I'd kick his ass for trapping me in my Dreamcast, but he'd secretly enjoy it (enough to wear a silly wrestler harness), and melt into a little puddle of human goo, one that I found so puzzling and tantalizing that I would step in him with my bare foot, only for him to take hold and I'd sink helplessly into his body, frantically reaching for things to hold on to, until we are both drained through a little hole in the Earth.

Ohhh yeah. I love this blog. Never leave me.

(by the way, Kitten Blue came. Send her some love.)
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