Wednesday, March 24, 2004

To clarify that whole post about outing: No, I was just goofing off. Really, I don't need to have trashy tabloid "detectives" trying to identify the smell of my panties 24/7 just to make me feel secure (although I wouldn't put it past myself). Also, I am honored to have a link from Belle, and just so you know, I don't really have low self-esteem--I have a fairly high opinion of myself, being queen of the universe and all--I'm just, you know, a teenager.

So! Next on the agenda is to tell you about Leticia's Stupid London Adventure. Oh man, don't even remind me. The most fun I had was playing Mario Kart at a store display. Basically, if you saw an American girl wandering about London cluelessly with her dad and his Russian friend (...really hot Russian friend) you have feasted your eyes upon the greatness that is Leticia McKenzie. Ohhh yeah. But anyway, in a nutshell:

- We went and saw everything boring about London, like Big Ben and the theater museum (okay, Big Ben was kind of neat, for all the seconds of enjoyment its grandiosity brought me), stopped briefly at the former shell of SegaWorld, which is now an expansively boring arcade, with no big plaster Sonic to pose with (awwww man!). I spent £4 on Virtua Cop 3 and Time Crisis 3, started to feel sorry for the little polygon people, and left. (I wanted to play Virtua Striker, but some soccer fan was hogging it. Dammit! All the way to London and I don't even get to play a soccer football game. Curses.)

Mostly, London's malls are exactly the same as in America: lovely, expensive, and pointless. I saw an Astro Boy designer shirt (something told me the little spud would have a line of designer clothes by now) on sale for twenty-eight freakin' pounds, which, for my American readers, is about an arm and a leg, give or take. (No, it's around fifty-six plummeting dollars. Hey, inflation is down!) Not even I would pay that much to have the lovable boy robot cradling my mom spots.

So! Ohh, but the best useless diversion was a giant trampoline with bungee cords, and my dad's (really hot... did I mention he's really hot?) Russian friend taking in excessive amounts of glee at watching hapless schoolgirls screech while being launched to the second floor in orgasmic fits of embarrassment. Since I had £6 (no, I just like using the pound key on my keyboard--nifty!) with me at the time, I considered having the cute guy at the bottom launch me (and my dignity) into the stratosphere, but since I had no friends with me to embarrass myself in front of (c'mon; when you're with friends, how much fun something is is directly proportional to how dumb it is), I decided against it; besides, it just seemed like a really dumb canned experience that only an American like me could enjoy. Oh well.

So! Finally we started going places that I really wanted to go: first to the Gallery (closed), then to a vegetarian restaurant (full; and hideously expensive) that took so long for us to find that we had no time to see Camden Town, which I really, really wanted to see but was too shy to bring it up. Oh well. I'm a ditz. Let's get on with it.

So we rode the train back and I was bitter and hungry, having to go without dinner not because I had something fun to do instead, but because we spent our last two hours in London wandering around for food to no avail. I didn't even want to talk about it; I bitterly told my dad that I planned to go to sleep without even eating the bag of nuts he offered me (my dignity--what was left of it--prevented that) and "pretend this whole thing never happened." He was dissappointed; he thought I meant the trip to London. Oh no, I meant this whole trip to England, in which I dreamt I would get to meet people my age but instead I waste away in my dad's apartment being greeted by old British ladies with impenetrable shields of politeness.

But no, I've enjoyed this trip to England, especially getting to wander around unfamiliar cities with no purpose or goal in mind, which is a pasttime of mine. My ideal world would be a place that is always unfamiliar, where everything is constantly new to me and I always have the broad and improvisational thinking of a child.

Things I enjoyed most:

- Imagining all the ways I was going to brutally (and creatively) murder the child in front of me on the plane, who had a Game Boy Advance SP (with a backlight) while I had a shitty old Game Boy Advance and all the plane's lights were broken
- Agonizing over that scratch on the front of my GBA, which I will not be able to fix until I get back home and order a new screen
- Eating good dinners at the dining hall, rather than spaghetti day after day (my mom has a habit of telling me, "I've already eaten today!" in her usual cheery manner whenever I ask what's for dinner; this is code for, "Noodles again, bub!")
- Incredibly polite strangers; if you accidentally close a door in somebody's face in America, they'll be gunning for ya
- My neatly made bed, ohhh yes (masturbates...)
- Playing Mario & Luigi... didn't I already say that?
- Having the license to consider myself not a loser
- Meeting the one young woman for miles around in Quaker City; granted, she was talking about her wonderful boyfriend and how they were gonna get married and have lots of babies and (whacks her head in with a shovel), but she was still nice and the only girl my age I've met in this whole godforsaken trip
- Watching the one girl's orgasmic fits of embarrassment; it was nice to see a British person forgo their dignity for once

But most of all, I will enjoy flying back to Poseidontown, with working lights and sexy flight attendants and meals I can actually eat, and return to a life of moping, going to three different schools where nobody cares about me, and eating my mother's bread, pasta, and cereal 24/7. You can tell she loves me, can't you? (No, I'm just kidding... I really do respect my mother, and I'm almost an adult anyway so I better start making my own food. She just doesn't think I'm feminine enough to find a boyfriend; but I wonder how she ever found a husband...)

No, but really, this trip has made me swear off moping for good. I am going to seek out my friends and we are going to do something fun and bonding-like. And whenever I am blue, I can at least remember; I am NOT stuck in a boring complex in the middle of nowhere with only old British ladies for company. Doesn't that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside?

(By the way, London's graffiti is fantastic, and much much better than the graffiti in Poseidontown. I wonder if some of the graffiti really is commissioned by the city. In that case, I need to drag all the gangs back on my plane to show the kids in Poseidontown how it's done.)

(Oh and Puyo Pop Fever is out in England. Whaaaaaaa?! Oh, to have a PAL-compatible TV...)
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