Saturday, March 27, 2004

Well, hello! It's 3 am, and I can't get to sleep, because of jet lag. So, you're stuck with me!

I got a whole bunch of responses from the "hippie" post. Thanks, I had no idea so many people felt the same way... (sob) Adolescence sucks! It's just an experiment in thinking you're the _only one_ in the _world._ Moving on....

(THANK YOU to the kid who E-mailed me saying she did the Demi Moore thing too. We are going to make plans to hang out sometime, only to do Demi Moore impressions in the mirror and eat cookies while our obedient male servants [who are kind enough only to wear loincloths and battle scars] lavish our naked bodies in cherry sauce and whipped cream. Really.)

(...And some artsy French photographer will have a field day with us.)

(...And a giant piston will mash me into a cake but I'm not sure how that fits in.)

No, there wasn't a kid playing a Nintendo Ultra Nitro 37px D20 on the plane, but the woman in front of me did seem to enjoy mashing my head in with the back of her chair when I was trying to nap. I believe my head is now lightly tenderized. On the headset, I saw Looney Tunes: Back in Action, which was... eh. I wouldn't pay money for it. (The premise was enticing, but the gag humor was poorly paced. See Airplane and Airplane II instead, for that kind of gag humor.) And finally I'm really hungry for some of that vegetable curry, which is almost the best thing in the universe. Speaking of my mentor...

I've commented here before that my relationship with my mentor has been feeling a bit... un-mentor-like (which _would_ be fine with me, except dating a staff person is against the rules... fuck!). Anyway, we're not allowed to meet at the facility anymore because kids... are... getting... jealous... of... our.... relationship. I had to keep a straight face while the head staff person told me this. We've got to stop being lovely and mentorly or other kids will wonder why THEY'RE not her mentees. She's MY mentor! Hah! MINE!

...So I can't be with her until her criminal background check clears and we can meet elsewhere. Yes, I want to hike through the woods and yes, I want it to be in front of a giant sparkling waterfall when we confess our love for each other. It will go _exactly_ like this:

LETICIA: Dearest mentor, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.
MENTOR: Don't worry, my darling... I know.
LETICIA: You do?
MENTOR: Every time I look into your eyes... I see the sparkle, the flame, the passion deep within you. I want nothing more than to hold that passion inside me.
LETICIA: An'! An'! I want you to hold me and then melt into a big gooey mentor-puddle, and I will be covered in warm mentor-goo and cradling myself in it until I sink into it and we dissappear into the earth!!
MENTOR: Um, okay..
LETICIA: Trust me! It'll work!
(It works.)
MENTOR: Okay, now what do I do?
LETICIA: Wait for a random stranger with a canteen to bottle us up and drink us very, very slowly.
MENTOR: And then...?
LETICIA: He pees us out behind a bush. Sound cool?
MENTOR: Leticia, where do you get these stupid ideas?
LETICIA: Wouldn't you like to know...
(All that other stuff works too. Leticia and Mentor go on to water a fine patch of petunias. They cradle each other for eternity as they bleed into the surrounding ecosystem. All the kids at the facility get jealous and try to do it too, but they all mess up and become halfway marshmallow kids and get eaten by wolves.)
(Which makes _me_ jealous, and I tell Mentor I want to become a joint marshmellow being with her and get eaten by a wolf, but she vetoes the idea, especially because we're too busy being sucked up the roots of the petunias, and the flowers are coming up Leticia/Mentor colored, and soon we will pop out the bulbs, reborn as fairies and we frolic in the woods for eternity, especially below that one tree where all the punk fairies hang out and we make one great big fairy mosh.)
(And then some camper gets a blender to make Punk Fairy Sauce but I'm ahead of myself.)

So! With those entertaining visions in your mind, you can now go to bed, the satisfying Leticia Taste settling into your stomach. Mmm-mm. Take a ltitle off my thighs, willya? That's my best meat right there. Juicy and tender, the way Leticias are.

Good night.
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