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Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Well hi hi! Today I'm supposed to talk about sex or something. It's my calling, somehow, and I hate callings. It's so confining and rigid. I want to be able to do whatever I want, but that tends to be about sex, so...

So! I have NOT MASTURBATED lately. At all. For a good day and a half I have kept my legs together. This is good, not because masturbation is bad, but because I am happy, even without needing to masturbate. This is very good. My mood needs to be not dependent on sex.

That said, I also just don't feel like giving y'all any more material. Sorry, but I just feel like a stupid sad slut when I do. Maybe later I'll be more confident and more emotionally mature and I'll feel like sending y'all into multiple orgasms, but for now, you can check Belle's blogroll for plenty of wanking material.

Me, I'm going to go have sex with my tall, skinny, sensitive Asian boyfriend. (apologies for the stereotype) He's going to ask for consent every five seconds and be very resourceful with a selection of honey and whipped cream to apply to my naked body. He's also going to speak in a very soft voice and it turns him on to play Jet Grind Radio while I hold the second (vibrating) controller in my vagina and we have sex to that obscure Russian soundtrack (lemme think... Brothers 2) that my dad has and I was sitting in the car one day thinking "Wow, I'd really like to have sex to that song."

No, I'm not really going to have sex with this imaginary boyfriend, but it improves my mood to think I'm going to. Yay for sensitive men! I'm going to make a porn magazine full of naked men (with short hair and glasses) making "let's talk" poses. And delicately applying whipped cream to my body, asking for consent every five seconds. Ohh yes.

(That said, some guy E-mailed me once, saying he had bought Promiscuities because I had recommended it. All boys take notice: you need to read this book, as it is practically a manual on How to Be the Bestest Boyfriend in the Whole Wide World. And I want the boyfriend that comes out when I run the book through the Boyfriend Machine.)

(Over.)
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