Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Clearinghouse of nonsense. Everything must go!

- Strong Bad hasn't been very funny lately. I think the Brothers Chaps oughta take a break. We'll still be there, fellas.

- Appearantly the Bush camp has been attacking Kerry by saying he didn't really deserve his THIRD PURPLE HEART. Um, how many Purple Hearts have you recieved, Bush? (So much for "elevating the tone"...)

- Whenever I see a woman with dreadlocks, I want to be her bestest friend in the whole wide world. Seriously.

- Wait! There was something I actually wanted to talk about. There's a woman in my class who sits behind me. She's a little Asian woman with a demure personality and a soft voice. I sit in front of her just so I can hear that soft voice from behind me, as if she is really everywhere at once.

Given her personality (and those adorable suspenders) I was pretty surprised when I saw her wearing a shirt reading "69." This quickly spun off into a fantasy of her as this all-knowing gentle goddess of sexuality, who keeps us all in her warm glow of love and acceptance.

And I wanted to be in that glow, and feel the presence of a woman inside me. For just one second, I admitted it to myself, I AM A LESBIAN.

Then I forgot about it and went on to Chemistry.

CONCLUSION: I am a dork. I have a large emotional stake in being straight and growing up to have a soft, gentle husband and a picket fence and 2.5 kids, but whenever I'm really turned on by somebody on the bus or whatever, it is always a woman. I thought pretty unequivocally in eighth grade or so that I really was a lesbian, I like girls and that's it. But still... I want to date a boy. I want a boy to ground me in reality. I want a boy to tell me I'm special enough for him to want to fuck the bejeesus out of me. That, and I come to the thought of men crowding around me and grinding me into applesauce for their high-class celebrity dinner.

So... I'm turned on by women, but I want to be with a man. All teenage boys reading this, you can begin fantasizing... now. (Gentlemen, start your, um, engines...)

(And just so you know, my perspective on this Asian woman is entirely based on stereotypes of Asian women as being passive and yet the meaning of all life. That isn't such a bad stereotype, but it's inappropriate of me to assume things about this woman just by how she looks. Most likely, she does not even know what that number means. Most likely, she does not give much thought to being an all-knowing goddess of love and sexuality. But it was a nice thought while it lasted.)

(KIDDING! Kidding. Nobody should have to bear the burden of being an all-knowing goddess of love and sexuality but me.)
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