Wednesday, April 07, 2004

The end is near.

The US bombed a mosque and killed 40. All worshippers.

And somehow, I try to conjure up my usual rage against apologists to massacres, and I just come up short. We.... we ought to come together. The world is ending I--

This is not my true path. I am going to join the Peace Corps. I am going to go to Iraq or Palestine or somewhere, I don't care, where people are suffering and I can do something, anything, to help. I need to be a force against this, a force for good. It can happen in me.

After I saw the article on a newspaper dispenser downtown, I cried. No, I actually did. I sat down and I cried, right in the middle of the sidewalk. This is not the brink of chaos. This is chaos, and when we bomb a house of worship with no military significance we have abandoned any pretense of human dignity. We head right back to the Dark Ages. We are barbarians, destined to return to the slime from which we came.

I wanted to throw up. I could hear their bones crunching against the hot metal. I could hear their cries when a Black Hawk stared them down when all they wanted to do was worship. I could hear them cursing themselves for not having stayed in bed that morning. I could hear them saying their final wishes to their families as they drew their last breath and prepared themselves for this is it. And then, silence.

I ran. You best believe I ran. "Gotta go faster, faster, faster-faster-faster!" was all I heard. I wanted to be like Sonic. All my problems would be solved if I ran fast enough. I wasn't running towards anything, I was just running, hoping that at some point the weight would mean I would break the threshold into another reality and leave this barbaric existence behind. It would just be me, naked, in my own, endlessly white room, with no living or dying at all. Just silence.

Then I got to a stoplight and it was over.

I'd like to think I can stay out of this, that civilian control over the military ensures that I can sit back in my easy chair and play Xbox and sing "la la la" and pretend that around the world, there aren't atrocities committed for entirely political ends. I can forget that mankind is afflicted by a plague of hatred and military arrogance. I can forget that there is something I can do.

But I can't forget, because we are all part of one world, one race, one brain, one Light that says killing is wrong. I cannot because I do possess an inner strength, that one that people have always told me about, and it would be an injustice not to use it to try and cure the world of its plague.

So, sayonara, I'll call back when Leticia the Superhero is doing something--anything--to set things right.


(edit: the Peace Corps does not accept those without a high school diploma. Ideas? I've always wanted to build homes in Palestine, you know...)

(even if the IDF will tear them down the next day...)

(at least I'm doing something...)

(more tomorrow.)
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