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Monday, April 26, 2004

Hello! I made those smart remarks about that "positive" newspaper to my mom, which made her not so pleased.

I do believe she's at her wits' end. I, however, am at my wit's end, because I'm through thinking of stupid jokes to keep my mom emotionally at bay. In fact, I'm going to tell my mom how I feel right now. (gives mom a big hug, and then packs up her stuff to go to Florida)

(or someplace that is not here)

(unless I live in Florida; you never know)

(or maybe saying I'm in Florida is a clever ruse to make you think I'm not in Florida because I really am when I'm not, because I am. Or something.)

So! Next order of business, I... need to go do homework. But first! I need a good fantasy for tonight. You know, my hot sex with myself. I think being chopped into salami will do. By big brawny dockworkers. Ooooh...

(I am SUCH a dork. Next time I will imagine being turned into Cocoa Puffs or something slightly more creative. But you know, the creative fantasies aren't as fun as the dirty ones.)

(But my favorite one is the one where I got boiled in a pot by cannibals while my loving husband held on to me and told me that these nice folks may not be, in fact, giving us a warm bath. I, the loving airheaded creature, refused to believe that these people were anything but kind, even when they started cutting our flesh apart and seasoning us. Oooh.)
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