Monday, April 19, 2004

Hello there! Have you ever been diced to pieces by an elegant swordswoman? No? Just curious. It would be neat if she walked off all sultrly-like after completing her handiwork as your severed head checks out her ass.

Okay! First order of business: Firefly. It kicks ass. The boxed set is about $40 and worth every penny. Second order of business: The mechanic, Kaylee, on that show (which takes place on a Firefly smuggling spaceship in the distant reaches of the galaxy) is exactly like me. How? Let's see..

Besides a fondness for suspenders, she is very maternal and is prone to hugging people and kissing them and calling them affectionate; but, when it gets down to it, she'll get her hands dirty and fix the underbelly of their cobbled-together jalopy of a spacecraft with the best of 'em. Also, she's so sensitive that everybody thinks she's a lesbian (and her best friend is the prostitute, Enara), but she really isn't, she just likes other women a hell of a lot. See?

So, now, it gets creepier. She's talking about the formerly rich kid, Simon, one day when Enara (in her beautiful whore dress) asks her why she seems so infatuated with him. After denying it initially, Kaylee admits that he so sweet and shy, you could just "...take a big bite out of him."

Oh. My. God.

I am trapped in a science fiction show, with no way out. Somebody rescue me from Joss Whedon's cold clutches.... he stuffed me into a typewriter and is turning me into mere typewritten pages! Help! (dodges the little typewriter hammers) Enara, save me! I didn't mean it when I said your dress was ugly! It was just, I was having a bad day and (BAM)

SUZY: We're sorry, Leticia just got hammered into an episode of Firefly. If you want, though, you can still make lime sherbet out of me. Just put me in the machine... (whirrr)

(Suzy stares into space as she scoops sugar on herself with nobody around to eat her...)
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