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Friday, April 16, 2004

Hello! Today I made the mistake of eating a sandwich with dijon mustard, which proceeded to go straight up my nose, causing me to tear up and sneeze a lot. Ooogh. Fear dijon. I think I chose it just because it sounded elegant, like a fancy dress (Suzy: Or a dual toilet). Hey! A dual toilet! That's a neat idea! Than you could sit and talk to a friend while you're peeing. I'm'a patent that... (scribbles)

So! The real reason I'm posting, rather than to enlighten you all with visions of mustard nose-shooting and team latrines is that there's a veritable shitload of Leticia products up at the store to your right. This is great fun; now that I'm consumable, I can be on the other end of the American dichotomy. You all are consumers, but I'm the CONSUMED! Mua ha ha! Eat me up and I will invade your imaginations for years to come! You will NEVER be able to masturbate without thinking of me being buried in a flowerpot and coming back up as a sassy flower. Ever.

So! While you imagine the process of me being pressed into a book and saved for posterity, do go and do your American duty and buy loads of stuff with my name on 'em. Just imagine! Soon you'll never be able to drink your coffee, or walk your dog, or have sex with your significant other without thinking of the greatness that is Leticia McKenzie. And the best thing is, my spirit will watch over all who buy my merchandise. You have nothing to fear, my all-loving, all-knowing aura is enveloping your and your deluxe-edition Leticia tank top that I made using a pencil, Sharpie, and Photoshop. Enjoy!

(That is, I made the design using a pencil, Sharpie, and Photoshop; the shirts are made by God knows who. Don't remind me that I've sold out my beautiful visage to some faceless megaconglomerate. Soon, they'll send their goons to slash me up and run my mutilated carcass through a printing press and make me into collectible coasters. Aaaaah!!)
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