Friday, April 16, 2004

Well, gather round the table, children, we have a brand new story for you!

Thomas, a handsome high school boy, walked into the fast-food restaurant and eyed me, the young, fluffy clerk. He asked me, "I'd like a bowl of yakisoba noodles..." he looked into my eyes coldly, "with you in them."
"What kind of sauce?" I asked, good-naturedly.
"Oh, soy," he sputtered.
"Good, I'll gather the girls together. Girls!" I shouted to all my coworkers, and we gathered in front of the metal chute at the center of the kitchen. One by one we took off our uniforms and socks and underwear and slid down inside the hungry chute, as it churned and whined and tore us to pieces and spit us out, our bodies now centimeters tall, on top of a steaming bowl of yakisoba and soy sauce, ready to go.
"Woah," the boy said, taking a step back.
"What are you waiting for?! Eat us!" I shouted at him, looking up at him with warm eyes.
He shivered and picked up a pair of chopsticks. He turned me over and looked at my back and its small, fragile features. He licked me to see if I was real. He picked me up and sat me down on his tongue, and that was the last the world saw of me.
He stirred the noodles, looking for my friends. Out popped my kind friend Dorothy, an Asian woman with black braids and solid frame. She giggled as his eyes widened with intimidation at the prospect of eating this woman. "Don't be so shy," Dorothy said, grinning, placing her hands at her feet and scrunching up. "We were meant to be eaten. You know that. What are you waiting for?"
He lost control. He slurped Dorothy right up with the noodles she was lying on. One by one, he popped the girls into his mouth, stopping brielfy to hear their ecstatic giggles and horrified moans. He was eating pure life as his dinner. He was eating the souls of these young girls. And he loved it.
"Hey," his friend Jason, with the gruff voice, said, ribbing him. "I don't know about this. You sure these girls are edible? No hepatatis or nothin'?"
Thomas looked down at his food and saw a shy girl with white hair staring down at the noodles and playing with them. "What's your name, girl?"
"Anise," she said, poking away at her ground. "...I didn't want to be in this bowl. Please, set me free."
The boy didn't know what to do. He picked her up, tenderly, and petted her in his hand. She got down on her belly as he stroked her back with his finger. He could see every detail of her body even though she was so small. She was like a universe in a matchbox. He placed her head in Jason's mouth, and she cried "Hey!" and flailed her legs as he slurped him up. Thomas giggled. It was so satisfying to do that.
"Please," the manager said. She was blonde and shashayed with arrogance as she walked. "You're so immature."
"Hey, you wouldn't mind making me a bowl of noodles, would you?" Jason said to her.
"Absolutely," she said, picking him up and taking him to the chute.
"What are you doing?! Hey! HEY!" he shouted struggling to break free of the woman's vicelike grip. It was too late. It was kind of comforting, though, being in that soft bed of noodles. He could cry with dissappointment or with joy, he wasn't sure.
"So, now you know how those girls feel, huh?" the boy said, sheepishly.
"Very funny," the friend said. "Now you know that, even if I'm tiny and naked I can still kick your--"
With a slurp, he was gone. The boy never realized how good that might feel, to have another boy in his mouth. Maybe...

Oh-kay! Wasn't that just exhilirating? Join us next time as Leticia tells you: Just Say No To Eating Your Best Friends, Unless They Have Been Properly Lathered In Copious Amounts of Cherry Sauce and Chocolate Chips! Take care!
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