Tuesday, May 25, 2004

After reading this post at Kitten Blue, I felt motivated enough to comment:

Today I bought my first thong. It's another milestone for me, I've always been a avid lover of big pants, but there's always been something very naughty about thongs to me, and the fact you need confidence (and a half-decent butt) to wear one says a lot. Well, finally, I feel good enough about my butt to wear one. Go me.

Girls, boys are the most easily amused creatures on Earth. They DO NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK whether or not one boob is bigger than the other or if your butt cheeks do not meet ISO 9000 standards. There are the horniest creatures God ever made, and it's a wonder that they don't go for lamp-posts if you put them in tank-tops. It doesn't sound like it's true, but it is: a winning personality is what keeps a boy coming back for more, and sex-wise, being confident in your body matters a lot more than what your body actually looks like. Boys think EVERY female-looking body is the most beautiful thing in the world. I could fluff some bread-dough and pour flour on it, and then give it frosting for lips and stick a bikini on it (as well as some dime-store googly eyes) and set it out in the street and pretty soon, there will be a horde of Boy-os Sapiens asking for her phone number. It's that simple.

It's not your body, it's your confidence in your body.

(Trust me. Leticia knows EVERYTHING about boys.)


(This fluffy bread-dough woman will have to be dumped in the Three-Eyed Fish River so that she may mutate into a fifty-foot tall monster and start smashing the city and eating all the horny boys, because I find the irony of men being eaten by bread dough amusing. Then she must suck all the life-force out of them and hand it to me in little glowing orbs, so that I may regain my succubus energy---SHIT! I let a secret slip. You did not hear that. Ignore that. And leave your doors unlocked at night, so that I may--MMFFFFFF)

(Suzy: Sorry. Technical difficulties.)

(Test signal. EEEEEEEEEEEEE)
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