Monday, May 03, 2004

(This is the result of a bad day, in case you were wondering)

I want to die and go to hell and meet all the cute girls and spank their asses and lick their vaginas and tell myself, "I'm not a loser, I have lots of lesbian friends. Maybe I'm not really attracted to women, but it's the best I can get." Then they stuff me into a soda machine and make me partially into salty plum soda, but at the last minute darling Betty shows up and saves the day, salvaging my head, shoulders and breasts to be used as a centerpiece for dinner parties. They unhinge my jaw and use me for a candy bowl. I might choke, but I'm just a head, what would I care? Besides, I get to look up all their skirts and see their cute behinds that I'm not really attracted to, but it's the best I can get...

And then all the boys from Heaven come down, with their broad shoulders and adorable dreadlocks, and none of them want to drink me, they want to drink beautiful blonde Heather Soda because she was pretty and popular and I'm just a lowly candy bowl, and in her fully liquid form she taunts, "Haaah! I'm lemon-lime tango and I'm much more tasty and salty then you are! Watch me knock this guy out!" And then the one guy starts to drink her, and says, "Whhoaooooaaaahh! That's the stuff!" and is so enthralled by it that he rips his pants off and masturbates, and when he needs somebody to lick it up, he grabs me head and wipes it off the floor with my tongue, and then he comes the rest of it into my mouth, and then he slaps me on the back of my head, hurling the come into the sink.

Then I meet a nice, sensitive boy and we sit under the apple tree and discuss politics while he rubs massage oil all over me but he won't kiss me when he learns that I have been appointed the Official Come-Licker of Hell, and doesn't want to get in my mouth, and so instead he fries me up and feeds me to the lesbians, which is when I finally realize I'm attracted to them, that is, until they start using my licked-clean bones for dildos. Actually, I enjoy that too, especially when they do it up the ass. Mmm.

And Betty eats me up slowly, taking extra-special care to eat her best friend as sultrily as possible, sucking on my eyeballs as if they were jawbreakers. That turns on tomboy Janisha so much that she activates the shrinker-ray in the heat of pleasure and turns Betty (and whatever parts of me are inside her) into a muffin and eats her up, feeding the wrapper to the dog.

Ahhh, that felt good. I'm'a take a bath now.
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