Thursday, May 20, 2004

While I'm on it, Things That Annoy Me (Or, here are a few of my least favorite things...)

- Any permutation of the phrase, "bling bling."
- People who spit on the sidewalk. Guys, this is NOT sexy. Spitting snot is about the least sexy thing you have EVER invented, next to leaving the toilet seat up and throwing up on my bedsheets.
- While we're on the subject of "bling bling," I hate any glorification of ghetto life perpetuated by rich white record label owners. Not to mention the fact that rappers today seem to rap about how great they are and how they'll shoot you if you mess with them, which seems pretty far both from the "voice of the people" they're supposed to be and from African-American ideals.
- They, of course, no more represent African-Americans than Ken Lay represents white people (although he is a bit eerily familiar), so here I will put any permutation of the phrase "their kind."
- Running into a stray spike and losing all your rings
- Cream The Rabbit, from Sonic Advance 2. Not only is she devoid of an edge or a hang-up in her character, but she is the most broken character in any Sonic game, ever. She's fast, she can fly, she can Spin Attack, she has an invincible 360 degree Chao attack... You want to know (spoliers, highlight to view) how I beat the final boss with her? I stood in one place and pushed B twenty-four times. Not much of a challenge, huh?
- The fact that 90% of American movies really, really suck and are the same formulas repeated over and over, and everybody knows it but nobody wants to admit it
- Anyone who blames videogames for the world's troubles, and does not concordently offer a long-term solution.
- Anyone who says they're not going to vote, because their vote doesn't matter anymore. So, what, you'd LIKE to go back to monarchy? If everybody votes, we can at least put up a fight before Bush takes over the country and renames it "Georgetannia" (all in the interest of fighting terror, of coures).
- Anyone who blames pornography for all of men's troubles, and does not concordently offer a long-term solution.
- Anyone who blames anybody but men for all of men's troubles.
- Anyone who blames anybody but women for all of women's troubles.
- Exceptions are for when women cause men trouble, and VICE VERSA
- That is, everyone should take responsibility
- I'm saying this because there's a new strain of thought that men are only agressive little meanie-heads because that's what Popular Culture raises them to be, and so we need to rework, fundamentally, the way boys are raised to make them, well, more like women. First of all, most men are NOT aggressive little meanie-heads, but when men ARE aggressive little meanie-heads, they need to learn that it's their own damn fault and they cannot blame it on pornography or outside influence (I'm looking at you, Jayson Blair). (No, he didn't mention pornography, but he's an expert on the it's-not-my-fault game.)
- Besides, we don't want men to be more like women; why would they want our mood swings and PMSings and our myriad emotional attachments? Nuh-uh. It takes two genders to run a society, people.
- That said, we should all learn to be a LITTLE bit more like the other sex, because it's good experience to have. This is why women always like sensitive men and men always like strong women. By the way, ladies, that's just ONE of the good reasons to assert yourself when you talk. Let's show the world what we're made of!
- And men, do learn to be nice to the people who provide your sex, 'kay?
- The fact that TV is mostly terrible, and the way it's set up ensures that it will only get worse (Angel... cancelled.. why?)
- The fact that PBS cannot get itself out of its own mating-penguins demographic (PBS's mission needs to be to perpetuate culture that it would help the society to perpetuate; that means creative new TV shows with art to them, and not just those that appeal to old people. I love the fact that we have public broadcasting, but unless it can appeal to a wide variety of people, its mission will be lost, especially to Republican legislators who want its funding cut). Perhaps Arty Cop Shows would be a good place to start, along with Cowboy Bebop.
- The fact that comic book companies are afraid to branch out beyond crime-fighters in spandex... and I love crime-fighters in spandex
- The ads that target lonely people. I know, this is just about every ad, but when you are a lonely person, you start to notice this thing. Just about every ad for lip gloss or shampoo or glass cleaner or toilet paper starts and ends with the concept that it will allow you to feel an emotional or sexual connection to other people more often. Take a look around.
- The fact that we, by and large, are living in a bad science fiction novel, and I am taking steps to prove this. For instance, we have polluted the sky to the point where you cannot see the stars. That's just where I'm starting...
- And, on your way to work, you see one thousand different messages for why you should buy ten thousand things you don't need. Oh, and the fact that we think of a hamburger and fries as a staple meal in America. Then, everybody gets fat and dies, and the Republican (compassionate conservaties!) legislators balk at the idea of introducing a bill to fight obesity, because appearantly, it's the people's own damn fault they got fat and died. There's truth to that, but when every billboard you see says that you should Eat More Shit and Be More Happy there's gotta be a line to be drawn.
- That said, every movie we see DOES seem to say "Kill More Aliens, Subjugate More Women" but a cultural endowment is probably a better way to solve that than by regulating movie plots. Can you imagine submitting your movie scripts to the government for approval?
- ...Or maybe we should just break up the big movie monopolies, so that more people would have access to the means of production. Anything that would result in, let me emphasize, BETTER MOVIES than the crap we get here in America (and, by extension, Earth, since America seems to make the world's popular movies, since we're so damn good at the same running-from-an-explosion sequence thirty billion times over).
- By "the crap we get here in America" I am specifically excluding the big-budget productions here that are actually good (Matrix, Lord of the Rings, etc.). I am talking every Julia Roberts film you ever saw. Think about what would happen if that money went to films that everybody knew wouldn't be piss-poor from day one?
- Or, for that matter, feeding the world, which would take an estimated $300 billion?
- As opposed to fighting a war in Iraq, which has cost us a good $200 billion?
- The fact that I'm very convinced the world is coming to an end. (Of course, student hippie types like me thought that during Vietnam; but I don't think humanity can take a second Vietnam)
- The fact that, when a group gets so big, they lose all sense of conscience. I sit here and wonder how the Bush Administration could be so callous, but I'm not sitting on top of the world, looking down at my underlings as if they were ants. Maybe that change in perspective makes people more willing to be eeeeeevil, besides the fact that Bush has a throng of aides and apologists who will say, on a drop of a hat, that everything the President does is brilliant and moral even if they have to stoop to we're-not-as-bad-as-al-Qaeda levels to do it.
- The Atkins diet. Only in America can we convince ourselves that steaks are actually good and bread is actually bad. (Dr. Atkins died from congestive heart failure some time ago, if you're wondering.)
- Oogh. The fact that I must go do chemistry homework now.
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