Monday, June 21, 2004

I went to Poseidontown’s gay pride celebration today. (Note: Everybody in Poseidontown, and I mean _everybody,_ goes to gay pride. Even the mayor.) It was... eh. I say this a lot, but I just didn’t belong. Gosh, I don’t belong anywhere. Except...

I found a friend! Actually, a friend of a friend, but we got along quite well. You know with all my usual friends I try my best to be as spontaneous and exhuberant as possible so that they’ll like me, and it always seemed very... fake. With this girl, I was just relaxed, no longer taking any pains to prove I’m unique or different. For one day, I was just another girl, and that was something really special.

So, I decided something, in my head. No more forced exhuberance. No more affected spring in my step. No more me trying to be queen of the world. I think what my friends love best about me is being who I am when I don’t think I’m Miss Poseidontown, when I just let go and forget about my reputation and act like myself. Funny then, that’s that’s when I act the _least_ weird and not the most... but it was a lot of fun just to be the ordinary girl from around the block and not somebody who’s constantly in your face.

Now I’m just trying to get myself to sleep. I am still very depressed, and I’m wondering if antidepressants (as my mom keeps telling me) aren’t such a bad idea... or maybe they are. I’m not sure. I’ve been on two meds and freaked the fuck out on both. Maybe I just need to get ahead on my own power and find someplace where I can truly say I’m happy. Sure, sure, I love my friends and I love Poseidontown, but I have yet to find someplace where I really feel like I’m applying myself and my soul.

But, don't worry. I'll find it.

Watch me.
Surfing some of the Gay blogs today I stumbled onto your blog. I liked it! Thanks for the posts...
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