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Monday, June 21, 2004

You know how I feel? I want to cry. I want to cry terribly badly. But instead, I can't, everything that goes on in my head is in an impenetrable fog and instead I'm going to eat dinner, watch that Michael Moore DVD I rented and go to bed. Well, no, I'll try to go to bed, then I'll masturbate about one thousand times, then cry, then sleep, then wake up 2 minutes later to my alarm. Anywhere, here we go:

I am taking summer classes. For the first time ever in Poseidontown, it is SUNNY. It is REALLY HOT OUT. I WANT TO FUCKING PLAY IN THE SUN. But no, I'm taking summer classes this year. Why? My mom said she'd get me a Nintendo DS. That's just what I need: MORE FUCKING VIDEOGAMES. I'm going to be sick all over the dual screens with mip-mapping and Z-buffering.

So yeah, I did find a friend, and I am very happy about that. But, instead of E-mailing her, I think I'm just going to stare at my inbox in a hopeless daze and confront the fact that I, Leticia McKenzie, am just a loser that nobody wants to play with. Then, I'm going to get a new message and be very excited until I realize it's an ad for penis enlargement. Grrr.

So now I sit here and write one of those paragraphs where I write "so now I sit here and write one of those paragraphs where I write, 'so now I just sit here and contemplate what a dork I am when just outside, I could be meeting real people and having real experiences instead of trying to sort out the fog of my own brain and trying to create something from nothing. I could move beyond my own percieved self-worth--or lack thereof--and conquer my inhibition and find myself the most wanted and popular girl since that one popstar went to Poseidontown High. I could be more confident. I could wear tiny stuff like all the other girls wear.'"

...Or, of course, I can take the coward's way out, which is to cram my summer with busywork. You see, usually my summers consist of me promising myself that I will do great and wonderful things and I will realize my spectacular self each and every day as I cherish every one of my moments on God's green earth, but instead usually I just stare at the cieling and tell myself that'll be tomorrow, today I'll stay up until 3:00 playing Zelda. Oh, and tomorrow I'll have a Zelda hangover, so there's no point in doing something life-affirming that day either. Instead, I'll just lie around the house and complain to my hundreds of readers that my life sucks.

So the new strategy, as I started last year, is to take summer classes and to make my self so busy that I never get depressed. Now, usually, I'm terrible at homework and I'm excellent at playing the "I'll do it in one hour" game. But now I am much better at getting things done, and since I am taking some very heavy classes this time I won't even have time to mope, much less do anything life-affirming.

Ah well. I'm POSITIVE the party invintations are going to pile up in my mailbox AS WE SPEAK. You see, the last time I visited Poseidontown High, I was VERY confident! I knocked their socks off with my prowess in confidence. Yes, it was forced exhuberance... but how will people know the name Leticia McKenzie if I do not ADVERTISE? I'm serious; I'm making deep inroads into the Posiedontown High in-crowd. Too bad I wasn't learning anything there, so I decided to buy a college education by the pound at the community college, in which friends are as disposable as tampons (but not as delicate).

Yes, folks, this is how I work. I havea military mind for all things social. Apply 3.5 more kindness points to section 8 in the Third-Degree In Crowd and make sure to smile cutely. This will allow for a strategic defense against the rumors inevitably coming from the direction of the Freshman Lockers. In this event I must initiate the great McHollister strategy, in which I impress the third-graders by helping them with their math, thus elevating me to a third-tier samaritan status granting my entry into the second-degree in crowd which at least has a few anime fans....

An so, here goes the story of Leticia McKenzie. Round and round I go, where I stop, nobody knows. Maybe I oughta just make one friend and make that relationship really special rather than try and conquer the world with an endless array of Leticia Maneuvers. That sounds like a pretty good plan. Perhaps if I invite her to my house and rent Utena I will increase her image of me by 7.9 goodness points...

NEXT TIME: Leticia discusses the Digimon episode that made her cry. Be there... or be square!
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