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Thursday, September 09, 2004

My right mouse button is broken. I can't right-click anything for the life of me. Anyway, here's a summary of Leticia's Crappy Day...

Woke up from some creepy dreams. I remembered that last time I had a dream, I dreamt about this girl from the community center and about how I was _just_ _about_ to ask her out before I woke up. I decided that, even if I don't seem to like girls as much these days as in eighth grade, I should as her out at least out of respect for my cosmic self. (This isn't the first decision I've made on a dream, nor my last; myself as portrayed in my dreams is pratically an open book compared to how I treat myself when I'm awake.)

So I do some writing, feel good about myself, go to the community center when... I find that the community center is closed, because it's Thursday and the center is ALWAYS closed on Thursday. Dammit! I _totally_ thought it was Friday and I think my mom was just holding back on me. Anyway... I go to Poseidontown Square and meet a friend of mine, whom we'll call Belladonna, because she dresses extravagantly and makes everybody around her feel nervous.

Leticia: Oh, um, hi. How are you?
Belladonna: Oh, hi. I'm good.
Leticia: So, um, how are you?
Belladonna: Just, hanging out. At Poseidontown Square.

...Yeah, no good. I hate smalltalk. But you want to know the real reason I go to Poseidontown Square? I just like looking at people. So many different people pass through the Square, it just makes me happy that there are so many different kinds of people in the world. And that one girls bi-hawks are very pretty.

Anyway so I bury my face in a book and try to forget about the imaginary conversation taking place in my head with my imaginary Belladonna ("you like physics? So do I!"), and listen to Belladonna surround herself with, well, drug addicts. No, not all of them, in fact reasonably few of them are drug addicts, but reasonably all of them are rather mean-spirited and verifiably "the wrong crowd." Which... makes me sad because Belladonna is one of the most polite people I know. Why would _she_ be drawn to this crowd? Of course, I'm sure she has altruistic and humanitarian reasons for it, but...

Then I just got sad. Yes, I'm glad that there are places for these people to go... So many people get thrown by the wayside in this town, in every town. Among this group of worn-out, young people was a graying man in his thirties bitching about being evicted and drinking. Why do they end up ruining my day and reminding me that things go beyond my plush existence of Xboxes and long nights of Skies of Arcadia between vibrator sessions?

So I got depressed and left, and something... really got to me. It's that I really do like girls, and I really want to deny it because something deep in me wants me to move beyond my babydyke days by saying, "look! I'm normal! Now I can do anything in the world!" So, here I am, now, wondering when it's all going to be over.

(sad)
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