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Sunday, January 23, 2005

This has been too long to stay away from a blog.

Here's stuff I wrote earlier:

"I was young, I was arrogant. I suppose I'm still young, and I'm still arrogant. But, blogging is a drug, and I do feel a wondrous rush when I slip on my Leticia McKenzie identity and return to my fountain of youth, where everything isn't going to hell around me and I can pretend that I'm not an adult, about to pick a university and a career and all those crazy adult things.

Do you know what I hate about adults? Do you know what I particularly loathe about them? They do not have fun. On principle. There's a contract that you sign with God upon turning 26 that says, 'Starting on this day, I shall be bitter, cyncial, and say everything was best in 1936 before we invented all this high-tech mumbo jumbo. I will be mean to my coworkers. I will support TV shows with names like Crossfire and Hardball. I will invade foreign countries. I will be a real person by killing other people. I will read books about how to be snide to those around you. I will foster a culture of inhumanity. I will not be a part of the problem, but never a part of the solution. I will be a brick in the wall.'

No, that's not what I hate about adults. Do you want to know what I really hate about adults? Smacktalk! We, somewhere in the deepest recesses of Jane Goodall's lost Darwinian experiment called high school, invented the culture of bonding, where a group of people with something in common share it for the good of all. You talk. You are open. YOU ARE NICE. This doesn't happen anymore. It doesn't happen much in high school, mind you. But it never happens in college. It doesn't happen in the Real World, the cutthroat society where one bad business move and you're finished. There, you slime. You sneer. You insult. You tear down. You be mean! Kill or be killed, it's the American Way. It's the Bush Doctrine. We apply it every day of our lives here in the fifty states, and I imagine, it extends even beyond the borders of the Greatest Nation that Ever Existed. It happens every day. Just watch it. It's coming to consume us all.

Now, really, I can't imagine that the adult world is this bad. I mean, the shining examples of adulthood that are presented before me (say, for instance, the PRESIDENT OF THE FREAKING UNITED STATES) make a philosophy of shooting first and asking questions later, and, I mean, every film hero I ever saw focused on shooting people and letting God sort them out, but, I mean, there must be some vestige, some place for me where people aren't primarily occupied with finding their next victim to allow themselves to move up in life.

Maybe, now that I'm leaving high school, I'm being let out of the tiny Darwinian experiment and let into the huge one. The first one was training. Now I get to see the bright big world, with all its greed and corruption, all its mayhem and slaughter, all its ill will and meanness and... and... just the simple idea that you are more important than everyone else, period. I mean, I know we all follow that rule given our human failings and the fact that we're looking out from inside our own heads, but... but... we don't have to make a way of life out of it...

I'm freaking way the hell out because I tried to start picking a college recently. I really, really did. I'm like, "Okay, Ms. Leticia McKenzie, you're going to start picking a college. You're not going to be behind, no sir-ee, you're going to Grade A Liberal Arts College with good programs in X, X, and X." I talk to the entire college counseling center and not only am I universally treated like a dimwit, but nobody likes my idea of picking a college high-school style, based on, you know, what I'm looking for in a college. (That is, good programs in X, X, and X.) I need to pick a major, they all say. A career. A direction in life. Where am I going? Hell if I know, my proudest accomplishment is a blog about my sexual fantasies. So I have to do some reflection exercises. Find out what kind of a person I am, besides the kind of person who wants to blow up the counseling department and then dance on its ashes. I need to know, because the cutthroat adult world is waiting.

I do something sad. Hear me out. When I've had a bad day, I run into my room and leap under my covers and don't come out for hours at a time. It's easy to while away the time under my covers, which may as well be weighed down by a boulder for all the ease I have in lifting them. Well, that's how I'm feeling right now. I come back to the blog that I thought I'd never return to, because I'm more mature than that.

I've died without this space. I don't have any friends as good as the ones I met here. I wanna cry about this. There's nobody who honestly want to hear what I have to say than some of the people I've met here. I... I don't know how to thank you for all this. Especially since, with the big adult world upon me, I feel increasingly pressured to leave all this behind and never come back to Leticia McKenzie."
Comments:
First.... You're not dead!! Hurray!

Second, its not as bad as it seems. I was just in the same place a year ago. Trying to figure out what I wanted to do with myself whislt struggling through the final year of highschool, and getting no assistance of any value from any one.

But being in college, well, it's a little hard to explain. It's not highschool, it's better than highschool. People don't fight in the halls over petty teenage drama and posturing. People smile at each other and wave. It's new and exciting and challenging. It's an adventure.

There are a lot of messed up things happening on this rock we call Earth. Instead of brooding on it, make your world as wonderful as you can. And then get out there and DO something to make the rest of the world a better place.

"There's some good in this world Mr. Frodo, And thats worth fightin' for" -Sam Wise-Gamgi
 
*hug*
 
the adult world is very lonely. As a 31 I find that my options are disappearing fast unless I become ruthless and cut throat! But that's not me, not who I want to be! Make the most of being young Leticia - don't be afraid to reach out and grab as much as you can, experience life to the full! All too soon you grow up..............
 
as happy to see you back as you are happy to come back, Leticia! we missed you. (now... if only you'd switch your site feed back on so i can see when you post new stuff...)You sound like you're surrounded by a bunch of rather dim tossers, L. Sure, to get into a grad school you have to pick a major. Eventually.
But firstly, there's nothing stopping you switching majors down the track, as you learn more about what you like.
And secondly, american universities are unique in that they explicitly offer a full first Generalised Year, with NO majors. The idea being you pick your major after you've seen a bit more/got a bit older.
And thirdly, don't forget the bulk of highpower degrees are post-graduate, so add a couple of years to the total. so if you might be there 6 years, possibly taking a couple of extra years early, working out what you want, is no big deal.

But in general, if you;re not sure what you want to do, start off with a generalist degree. Economics, for example, will get you into all sorts of places you mightn't expect, including foreign NGO-style semi-governmental semi-aid work. Or a combination business-economics degree will qualify you for nearly all non-technical/engineering/science arenas. Or arts-economics if you would prefer to explore literature or philosophy.
That way, even if you have no blinding flash of inspiration before you graduate and no wish to move on to grad school, you'll still be able to get a job to pay the bills while you go on trying to figure your goals out.

I took 7 years in undergrad, even getting kicked out of one degree, before finally stumbling over something that fired me up. I'd done a generalist degree to keep my options open, so then 3 years of post-grad and I was off and running. A good mate of mine did 3 full undergrad degrees one after another, settling on becoming a Vet. That was 12 years. And I think you might like to see where/how a possible you might end up:
"heart, have no pity on this house of bone
shake it with dancing, break it down with joy
"


But, regardless, reaching out and touching other likeminded people is a strength, not a weakness. Next time you dive under the covers, write us a paper blogpost from there and say "Hi."

and welcome back
Saltation
 
Phew, you're back. I missed you (lots of people did...)

You know, your writing is,..., er, not bad. Hope you've worked that into thinking about whatever it is you end up doing next.

Really glad that you're online and alive and hope both continue to apply :)

H. (who doesn't have an account, but wanted to say, "I'm glad you're back!")
 
Hi,

We all missed you loads. I'm sure whatever you decide to do will be ok - just let us know if you're taking a break, I was worrid about you!

Do what you think will be best for you, and if you change your mind... do that instead!

Em
x
 
Thank god you're back! I was so worried about you. I kept thinking about what may have happened to you. Did some stalker track her down and enact some of her fantasies? Did she run off with her mentor to the Caribbean? Did she marry a Canadian guy who doesn't allow her to blog?
Anyway, I'm so glad you're back on the Internet, dissolved into the wires and cables so that we all can relish little bits of you on our computer screens.
 
I have been reading your blog for a very long time and I think that you are wonderful! I hope you will continue to write.

Oh, and don't be afraid of university. If you have to pick, choose something that makes you feel good. Do not be practical. I was stuck in the same situation two years ago and I considered this and that before I gave in to what I really wanted. I didn't want to major in something for job security, I wanted an education. I wanted to enjoy learning. I wanted to become a better person and help people. So, now I'm a Women's Studies Major and very happy. You should look into a Liberal Studies Major, which I believe most unis have. They allow you to study several areas of your choice. It's sort of like a "design your own degree" major.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Good luck and please keep writing.

-em
 
Wow! I see that someone else is posting as Em. So, okay, scratch my "em" and make it an "enm".
:)

-enm
 
Pick a big school with a godzillion people in many sections of exactly the same course, but taught by different lecturers. Prescreen the profs and find the one with the most entertaining speaking styles. Now go to the bookstore and find the books he/she wants you to get, and skim. If they are bad, look at the books other profs teach from to cover the same material. Go to Amazon.com and by the most entertaining books and the the ones the entertaining prof wants you to buy, used. Blog about your classes and let others know about this, but do this anonymously, as, if the blog gets out of hand, guess who the prof will shoot.

Halram@livejournal.com

Berkeley B.A. during the Sixties. It took me till my junior year to work out this stratagy.

Change your major as many times as is needed. Eventually something will work ok for you.
 
Hey, Leticia's back! Wow, it's been a very long time. I'm glad you are still here.

Listen, the adult world is not quite as bad as you paint it, at least not all over. It's not actually necessary to be a piece of dogshit as an adult, but doing that makes life easier in some ways so some people, mostly the cowardly and the lazy, take that route. Being kind is harder work.

The last commenter gave good advice: find a college which can give you the general intellectual setting you require. Don't fret the major, your "education" will be what happens around and behind the major.

Keep on posting!
 
Great post. However, there are a lot of nasty high school girls, arn't there? Also, I wish you didn't pick 26 as the crossover threshold. I hate to be justifying the not-young wing. I'm 26 and now I feel like Googling Botox.
 
Hi, I'm back with a link I just found that is interesting, well written and relevant to your position: a speech that Paul Graham didn't deliver to a high school graduation class.
 
Great to have you back.

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I used to have an account, and now I don't.

But I'm glad you're back... first time in months and months I've checked in and there's a post!

Good luck with finding a college to suit you, and growing into an adult and all that jazz
 
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(good lord, look at all the spam)

leticia, i really enjoyed the writing you shared with us. and miss your additions.
and i just saw this, and i wondered if maybe you'd moved into BECOMING a game, rather than PLAYING a game.
At a Glance: Duamutef's Glorious Vore RPG is a niche "erotic" roleplaying game that focuses on the concept of devouring and digesting women.
heh.
;)

yours, etc,
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>Actually, I would suggest never playing this game, but I think you know all that already.

heh
 
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